$300-a-barrel oil

Oil legend T. Boone Pickens, CEO of BP Capital, says oil prices could rise to $300 a barrel because supply is stuck at 85 million barrels a day and demand will reach 90 million barrels a day. If he’s right, even Ford is screwed.

Dog Genes
Scientists say just three genes are responsible for all the different coat types that dogs have. I want to know which gene is responsible for baldness.


Big Garage Sale

In California, they had a two-day garage sale and made $1.5 million toward the state’s massive deficit. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a motorcycle and boosted the price from $2,300 to $3,000. The state official who bought it said he expects a big promotion.

Court Docks Girl Sailor

A 13-year-old Dutch girl who wants to sail around the world alone in a small boat has been ordered into state care for two months. That means Laura Dekker’s parents temporarily lose the right to make decisions about her. Not such a big deal when you think about it. What parent doesn’t lose that right when their kid turns 13?


Abortion Fears Test Bishops

Everyone in the US is talking about health care. It’s an issue that polarizes people. You’re either really in, or really out. Not so much the Roman Catholic Bishops. They’ve been lobbying for universal health insurance for decades but now they’re against it because they fear it will pay for abortions. You learn in the taxi game that social justice is a high wire to walk. Are you damned if you do, or damned if you don’t? I always have trouble with that.


Everyone’s In The Boozer

When Brits go on vacation, they drink. A new survey shows they drink an average eight drinks a day while on vacation which works out to 80 drinks on an average vacation or 200 units of alcohol when only three or four units a day are advisable according to the National Health Service. If it ended with vacation, that would be one thing. It doesn’t. Figures show 10 million adults in England regularly exceed the recommended daily limits for alcohol consumption. And that’s just adults. What’s going with the kids?

Lamb At $3,000 A Pound

A single sheep in Britain sold for $377,000. Deveronvale Perfection, a tub lamb, will be used for breeding. It sounds like a lot until you consider that Tophill Joe, who was bought six years ago for $208,000, earned more than $1.6 million in breeding fees before he died . . . happy!

Man With Multiple Wives Gets Confused

An engineer with Air India has been arrested for forgery and polygamy after police say he married at least six women over the past two years. The man, Tushar Waghmare, may have married as many as 14 women since 2006. Police said the man denies the charges but he did admit that sometimes at night he gets confused and can’t find the bathroom.

Debtors’ Prison

Some of Nigeria’s wealthiest people are in jail and more are due to be arrested because they owe money to the country’s five banks. The government just announced they have collected $170 million in bad debts from some of the people they have in jail, a modern-day debtors’ prison. There are billions more outstanding but the central bank has provided a list of people they say defaulted on big debts to the banks and the government believes they have enough space in the country’s jails to eventually get all the money back. The government has also imprisoned 17 bank executives to keep their former clients company.

Deploy Artificial Trees

In a new report, engineers suggest deploying a forest of 100,000 artificial trees to help soak up the worlds carbon emissions. I just drive a taxi but another suggestion might be to deploy 100,000 real trees

Dictator Can't Pee

Some health news out of Zimbabwe that might cheer some of my passengers. Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe, 85, is apparently unwell and seeing a urologist, which means he probably can’t pee . . . on his downtrodden people for much longer.

Irish Betting Bellwether

We must be coming out of the recession because the Irish are betting again. Either that or we’re going deeper into recession because the Irish are betting again. The news is that Irish bookmaker Paddy Power is profitable again after a dip in earnings in the first quarter. Part of the credit goes to government decision to postpone a two per cent betting tax. Odds are they’ll impose the tax at some later date, probably in the middle the world cup of soccer.


Praying for Sex

The estranged wife of Italy’s billionaire president Silvio Berlusconi says she’d take him back if he would attend counselling at a sex clinic. As proof that he is moving in the right direction, Mr. Berlusconi is planning to attend a special Mass of repentance where participants go each year to seek forgiveness for their sins. Then, he is taking his wife’s advice and going to a clinic for sex.

GM Dodges Opel/Russian Deal

General Motors is rethinking the sale of Opel to a Canadian/Russian consortium because they fear intellectual property will fall into competitors’ hands. They’d rather sell to Brussels-based RHJ International because, well, they’re not Russian.

Bread Basket Filling Up

Ukraine farmland is being leased by companies from a number of countries, including Britain and Russia. They are all bringing in big equipment and putting together leases covering thousands of acres to grow grain for an increasingly hungry world. Some Ukrainians see the incursion of western-style agriculture as a land grab, others see it as a chance to drive a really big tractor.

Chicken Manure Rocks

Someone in Surrey, British Columbia, fed up with rowdy vagrants loitering in a vacant lot, spread chicken manure on the problem and let the hot sun do its job. The vagrants took off but neighbors, who had to keep windows closed because of the smell, complained to politicians who didn’t like the smell either. They had the chicken manure trucked away and now they’re trying to find out who authorized the stink in the first place. The RCMP was a prime suspect in the case but police investigated themselves and say they’ve ruled themselves out. The chicken farmer who said he sold manure to the police has retracted his story. He now says it was the vagrants themselves bought the manure because they were tired of the lot, because it was vacant, and were desperate for an excuse to move.

Big Numbers

The US deficit is set to top $1.6 trillion dollars this year. We just got used to billions, now we’re on to trillions. I don’t even know what’s next. I just know it’s next.

2030 Is Gonna Suck

I plan to be around in 2030 so I was interested to hear it could be a very bad year. There will eight billion people (two billion more than today), we will need 50 per cent more food, 50 per cent more energy and 30 per cent more water and people will be fleeing the hardest-hit regions of the world and moving to higher ground. It makes you think that 2029 might not be a great year either.


Shisa Smoking Will Kill You

The headline said, Shisa As Harmful As Cigarettes. Then it went on to say “at the worst, shisa was 400 to 450 times more dangerous than having a cigarette.” I read the story because I didn’t know that shisa is a water pipe used to smoke herbal tobacco. Then I read “the fruit-scented tobacco is burnt using coal.” I grew up in the 40s next to railroad tracks where steam engines passed. They burned coal. We inhaled the fumes. We knew it was bad. Now I know why shisa is bad. Now you know why shisa is bad.


Accidental Tourist

You gotta love tourists, they are responsible for a lot of my business because they are, above all else, lost. It wasn’t surprising to read that an English-speaking tourist in France thought the imposing “hotel de ville” in a small town was a hotel. Before she checked in, she used the washroom. While she was doing that, the workers closed the town hall for the weekend and locked her inside. She was freed a day or so later when she posted a note on the front door in French that, roughly translated, said ‘open the door’. Someone did open the door, the tourist checked into a hotel and now she knows the best way to find a hotel, in any language, is to hire a taxi.

California’s Big Jail Break

California is broke so they are thinking of allowing early release for 27,000 of the 170,000 people they have in prisons. Of course, some people are objecting that there will be too many criminals on the street all at once. Proponents says they are nonviolent criminals or criminals who have served most of their time. Bernie Madoff, who has 149 years and change left to spend in New York’s prison system, probably wouldn’t qualify even if he moved to California . . . unless he could come up with a way to swindle the federal government out of enough money to eliminate California’s debt. Bernie, I see opportunity here!

Whole Foods, Half Health Care

Whole foods, where carrots are grown in the dung of sacred cows, has hit a wall of bad press after CEO John Mackey wrote in the Wall Street Journal that not all Americans deserve health care. Liberal leaning Whole Foods customers, who obviously believe all Americans do deserve health care, have been picketing and blogging and boycotting. What Mackey meant to say is that people who can’t afford to shop at Whole Foods don’t deserve health care. There, have a $10 tomato.


Terrorist Suspect Iran’s Defence Pick

Now that North Korea is making nice - freeing journalists, attending funerals - Iran is stepping up to be a badder bad guy. They’ve nominated a guy for defence minister who has been linked to a bombing in Argentina. Gen. Ahmad Vahidi, wanted in connection with a 1994 attack on a Jewish centre in Buenos Aires, may get more support because of the allegations according to Iran’s foreign policy committee chairman. The general, if his nomination is approved, will be in charge of rockets and bombs. What could possibly go wrong?

GM Lets Twitter Decide

I learned to drive on a GMC bread truck with a floor-mounted four-speed (three forward gears plus ‘bull low’) but the brand has been struggling lately. That’s why it was good to hear they dropped a planned sport-ute before spending billions building it, then trying to sell it, then giving up on it. This was partly due to a poor response they got on social networks including Twitter where the compact Buick sport ute was dubbed the Vue-ick. GM’s vice-chair Tom Stephens said the amazing thing is it took just one day to can the project, light speed for GM. Maybe this is how GM should make decisions: Let Twitter decide.


Blow Out the Candle

Paraffin wax candles give off harmful fumes linked to lung cancer and asthma. The problem is more acute if you burn candles in a closed room, such as a bath. Beeswax candles are a lot less harmful but they usually cost more. It doesn’t mean you have to give up romantic, candlelit dinners, it just means you shouldn’t have one every day. Of course, if you’re living a life of daily romantic dinners, I don’t think you should sweat getting a terminal disease. You’ve lived more than one life already.


Coconut Picker Gets a Prize

If you’re an inventor there’s an opportunity to pick up about $25,000 by inventing a coconut picker to help out with the harvest in southern India. Apparently, sons of pickers are moving on to office jobs so the growers can’t get all their coconuts on the ground. The machine must be able to reach coconuts at 90 feet so the answer isn’t a step ladder. The long-term solution could be dwarf coconut trees which just grow to six feet tall. Then a step ladder would work.

How Many Stolen Cars Does It Take . . .

In Ireland, a stolen car was used to crash into a pub in order to steal the ATM inside. A second stolen car was used to cart the ATM away, along with the injured driver of the first car. The thieves may need a third stolen car to run over the stolen ATM to get it open and a fourth car to run over the guy who planned the robbery in the first place if the ATM is empty.

Swiss Bank Ratting Out US Clients

Switzerland’s largest bank, UBS (U Better be Scared), is giving account information to America’s largest bank inspector, the IRS. Now, the US government will be able to sift through the bank accounts of 4,500 Americans and make them pay taxes on money they have hidden. I’m not worried. The only hidden cash I’ve got is in the change drawer in my cab. Rob me and you won’t even get enough to go to Starbucks . . . Tim Horton's, maybe.

Dog Won’t Rescue You

Canadian researchers have concluded that your dog will take food from anyone or anything, including a black box. I could have told them that. It’s food, they’re dogs. Everything smells so good they want to taste it. I don’t agree with the rest of their findings, though. They say a dog will not try to rescue its master, even if he/she is pinned under a book case and begging for help. What about Lassie and Rin Tin Tin? Don’t tell me that was staged!


Internet Addicts Beaten, Killed

In China, they have boot camps for internet addicts. It turns out, they try to beat the addiction out of them. A 15-year-old boy was beaten to death at one camp and a 14 year old, attending a camp paid for by his mother, is in serious condition after beatings by the school’s principal and several other students. If they start a camp for bullies - and it sounds like they should - will students be required to spend all their time on the internet? I know, vicious circle!

Longer Eyelashes On The Way

People are always talking about science in the cab because my picture makes me look like one of those Ph.D. cab drivers, which I’m not. Well, now I’ve got some scientific information of my own. Did you know scientists are “working around the clock” to make it possible for women to grow longer eyelashes. I didn’t know that! And, they’re making progress. They’ve discovered that a side effect of using a glaucoma medication is longer lashes. The French are working on a long-lash gel which keeps eye lashes from falling out - they do that you know. The longer they are in place, the more the grow. I’m telling you, I always thought scientists would come up with something surprising. This could be it.

Rats

Botanists have found a carnivorous plant that is big enough to eat a rat. The enormous, rat-eating pitcher plant lives at the top of a remote mountain in the Philippines. It was found by a group of missionaries who had to be rescued from the mountain known locally as Rat Trap Ridge.

Texters and Friendship

I don’t text, especially while driving, but people who do leave behind call records of their friendships and that tells researchers a lot. If you have friends near work, you’re happier, and if you have friends at work, you’re unhappier. I get that. Your boss may be your friend who is always right, but he/she is never really your friend.


Texting Alters Young Brains

While we’re texting. Researchers have found texting is a brain-altering habit for young people. It trains young brains to be speedy but sloppy. Young people who text a lot make mistakes involving memory, attention span and learning. Young people who don’t text can’t afford a smart phone.

Cocaine Cash

If you’re paying cash today, and most of my customers do, there could be traces of cocaine on the bills you give me or the change I give you. Bills in the US, Canada, Brazil, China and Japan were tested for drug traces. The lowest rates were found in China (12 per cent), the highest in the US (95 per cent). The cleanest city in the US is Salt Lake city, home of the Mormon religion. I drive a lot of bankers. They used to pay with old cash but now they usually pay with new cash which comes directly from the government. In other words, it’s dirty too.

Sex Starved

In Afghanistan, if your wife refuses to have sex, you can starve her. That’s now the law. The original bill obliged Shia women to have sex with their husbands every four days, minimum, or they could be forced to have sex. This law is the watered-down version. Women's groups say the new wording still violates the principle of equality that is enshrined in the country’s constitution. Reviewing the rights enshrined in the constitution it looks like a man has the right to withhold food from his wife if she refuses to have sex; a man gets to decide whether a woman can work; and men - fathers and grandfathers - have exclusive custody of children. Apparently, women are allowed to do as they are told.

Beer Strengthens Bones

There have been so many stories about booze and health lately. It’s good, it’s bad, we’re not sure. Now, Spanish researchers say women who drink moderate amounts of beer may be strengthening their bones. The one cautionary note here is that the plant hormones, not the alcohol, maybe be what strengthens bones. It’s good news really. You can drink the beer or eat some barley.

Hurricane Bill Could Be Messy

The Atlantic hurricane season got off to slow start this year but now three storms are out of the gate. Claudette hit the US Gulf coast with winds of 48 mph (80 kph). Tropical storm Ana is moving in but is not expected to do much more than cause heavy rains. Bill, on the other hand, could be a whopper by the time it hits the US Gulf coast on Friday. Forecasters say it could be a Category 3 hurricane with winds of more than 110 mph (177 kph). We know that anything called Bill can be brilliant but it can also be messy.

Street Theatre to Fear

Spooks in Washington are using street theatre to hone their take-down skills. Usually, they work with actors but sometimes people stumble into scenes and get a taste of Washington’s dark side. The FBI, CIA, Capitol Police, Secret Service and US Marshals Service stage the dramas in and around the city in parks, hotels, parking lots, old folks homes, transit stations. The actors use many tactics, including suicide bomb skits to make the threats seem real. People who do get caught up in these street plays say they do seem real. If you get caught in something in Washington, believe it is real and act accordingly. I’m staying in my cab . . . hands up, mouth shut.

19 Shots In The Dark

You see and hear a lot when you’re driving cab at all hours, but this is one I missed. There was this guy robbing gas stations and convenience stores for the past week so a call comes in about a robbery. A man is sighted leaving the convenience store where the robbery took place and there’s a car chase followed by a foot chase through a darkened neighborhood. The person being chased is carrying something. It could be a gun. The constable giving chase draws his Glock and sprays 16 bullets at the guy (15 in the clip and one in the chamber). Then, he reloads and gets three more shots off before the suspect surrenders. None of the bullets hit the suspect, who turned out to be unarmed. Police didn’t name the constable involved but they did say later that he wasn’t zero for 19. He did hit three houses. 

North Korea Making Nice

 

North Korea did another nice thing yesterday. They released a South Korean worker they had been holding in detention and handed him over to Hyundai Chairwoman Hyun Jeong-eun. The man was being held at a factory park where South Korean manufacturers have parts made using cheap North Korean labour. As part of the deal, North Korea is also allowing the Mount Kumgang resort to reopen after it had been closed for a year. Last week Bill Clinton and the release of two US journalists, this week a theme park reopening. I’m telling you, there’s something going on in Pyongyang.

Water, Water Nowhere

Nasa has “gravity” satellites up there that can determine how much ground water there is. I know, amazing. Well, it turns out, India is depleting its ground water so quickly that rice farming in parts of the country will become unsustainable and then farmers will have to find alternative crops to grow and then, when all the water is gone, they won’t be able to grow anything and that will be really bad. The satellites doesn’t even check some parts of the world because everyone knows we sucked the water out of the ground long ago and now we’re taping rivers that are taping melting glaciers that have nothing left to tap. There’s a lesson here, but it eludes me.

Buffalo Fans Pay More

Did you know that 1,000 years ago there was something called the Mediaeval Warm Period and that, because it was warmer like it is now, they had a rash of hurricanes like we’re having now (well, okay, not right now, not today). Is this more of ‘What goes around comes around?’ Or is it more like I say when passengers make fun of the Maple Leafs and I take them around the same block more than once: When you’re a Buffalo fan, it costs you.

Greens Can Kill

I see you got lettuce. I hope you wash it when you get home and check to make sure there’s nothing but lettuce there, here’s why. A customer  at a discount supermarket in Germany found stems of a poisonous weed in mixed salad bags that can cause extensive liver damage. The woman who found the poison stems has a specialized knowledge of plants. Because of her, the German ministry responsible for consumer protection says shoppers should be vigilant. Cabbies should be vigilant too so, remember, wash it, check it and put it in a sandwich with some meat. Watch your step. I’ll imagine the tip.

Movie of the Week

There was a movie producer in the cab the other day but I didn’t have a story for him. Now I do. This is a movie plot if ever there was one. First the background. As part of Australia’s National Science Week,  a website is allowing users to send short text message into space. You can visit HelloFromEarth.net to post messages no longer than 160 characters. The messages will be transmitted to Gliese 581d, the nearest Earth-like planet outside the solar system likely to support life. Delivery time is about 20 years after the messages are transmitted from the Canberra Deep Space Communication Complex. Now, back to the movie.  A lonely librarian sends a message from work. “I’d love to be transported to another world, Laura.” Thousands of messages pour through the Deep Space Communication Complex, but this one message doesn’t go into space, it goes to a local computer and the man who receives it, who could be an alien, goes to the library and meets Laura and tells her he got her message. She is afraid of him at first but comes to believe he might be from another world. Her friends warn her about him and they try to check him out online but he doesn’t seem to have an identity. He seems to appear out of nowhere sometimes but he is kind and funny and she begins to look forward to his appearances. She lives with her overbearing mother who thinks the man is just creepy, partly because he won’t eat her baked beans. After a while, Laura begins to anticipate his visits and, one day, they both disappear. Her friends and dysfunctional family call the police and there is an investigation along with a series of “Where is Laura?” stories in the local press that go international. Experts say it’s not possible, but others believe she vanished to another world, all because she sent a message asking to be transported. In the final scene, Laura and the man are pushing a baby buggy through a park. “Your world looks like mine,” she says. “Of course it does,” he says. “they all do.”

Boy I can’t wait till I meet up with another movie producer. Think I’ll cruise the theatre district.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

I’m not superstitious but when  I heard Air New Zealand plans a matchmaking flight for Oct. 13, I had to check to make sure it wasn’t Friday the 13th. It’s a Tuesday. If you want to go, the flight leaves Vancouver and goes to LA where there is a matchmaking party before boarding for the overnight flight to New Zealand. En route, there will be party packs, an open bar and speed dating. When you get to New Zealand, there is a singles festival to attend if nothing worked out on the flight. If the festival is a bust, call me when you get home. I’m thinking of offering matchmaking cab rides.

Mona Lisa Dodges Mug

Over the years, the Mona Lisa has been stolen, damaged by acid and hit by a rock and now the famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci has taken another hit. This time a woman threw a ceramic mug at the famous painting on display at the Louvre in Paris.  Fortunately, the mug she threw did not penetrate the bullet proof glass that protects the painting. The woman, a Russian,  threw the mug because she was having trouble extending her visa to stay in France. I’m sure immigration will come up with something now.

How Sweet It Was

I love dark chocolate, but it contains sugar and sugar is getting pricey. Raw sugar futures have almost doubled in the past year. Brazil, which usually uses its sugar for ethanol, is thinking of selling it to India for food because the Indians had a crop failure and Brazil will get more for sugar used for food. Anyway, that could put pressure on gas prices because a lot of ethanol is made from sugar and we love our gasoline almost as much as we love our Twinkies so this whole sugar thing could cost us all a lot of money. Remember when sugar was sweet and gasoline came from oil and Google wasn’t a verb? Remember that? I don’t either!

Global Engineering: The Big Chill?

It’s hot, so we’re running with air conditioning and, I guess, contributing to global warming. But don’t worry. Climate engineering could be the way out of our global-warming dilemma. There’s a lot of talk about just shooting particles into the atmosphere the way volcanos do when they erupt. The particles block the sun, the temperature falls and, when their work is done, the particles fall harmlessly to earth. It could be risky though. Do the particles turn your laundry gray? Do they kill plants?  Will we breathe them in and harm ourselves? What if we send too many particles into the atmosphere and cause another ice age? Some days I feel like a dinosaur, but other days I just fear becoming one.

Universe Crashing and Crashing

There’s no point in looking up in the city with all the ambient light reducing our view of the heavens. But if you’re somewhere where you can look up, there’s lots to see. The annual Perseid meteor show reaches its peak today as Earth passes through a stream of debris from the comet Swift-Tuttle. The other stuff going on is much further away and only visible to astronomers but it’s way dramatic. A Nasa space telescope has found evidence of a collision between two Mars-sized planets circling a young star. Astronomers say this is quite recent, within the last few thousand years. Four billion years ago, there was a smashup between two planets that created Earth and our moon. There was a recent strike on Jupiter and some astronomers say the object that hit Jupiter was the size of Earth. Another ominous sign of things that could come is that there was a collision of the Big Dipper, a wooden roller coaster in Britain that was built in 1923. Twelve people were hurt. Okay, the Big Dipper thing is stretching this blog quite thin but there are billions of stars, billions of planets, space junk we can’t imagine and here we are floating around like a single cell in a massive whirlpool. I guess that means if they pull the plug we’ll just float through, possibly inside one of those space tunnels. When we come out the other side, we could be in clover again or in something better than clover . . . barley!

Cockeyed Optimists Live Longer

Hey lady, are you an optimist? I hope so.  Studies show optimistic women live longer than women who are cynical and harbour hostile thoughts toward others. Men who live with optimistic women and men who never leave their mothers live longer too, unless their mothers are cynical and harbour hostile thoughts, especially toward their no-good sons.

Dogs Are Smarter

Sometimes I give dog and cat owners a lift along with their pets so I’ve done some research. Dogs are smarter than cats. Don’t get the claws out. Studies have shown cats are like 18-month-olds and dogs are like 24-to 30-month-olds and border collies are like, five. Dogs also feel a number of emotions such as fear, anger, pleasure and disgust. My dog needs to work on the disgust thing or I’ve got to move to a neighborhood where they have fresher garbage.

Food Looming Issue

Enjoy those fries. Scientists say food production has to double by 2050 to feed our burgeoning world population. They say we won’t even be able to keep up with current production levels because water in some prime growing areas is going to get scarce, so we need new ways to grow more and more and more food. They think genetically modified (GM) foods might be the answer, but then they’re scientists, they’ve always thought that. I think the answer is to stop paving over prime agricultural land, promote local food, can and preserve fruits and vegetables, build community root cellars, stop eating junk, support cooperatives and end all wars, but that’s just me. 

Whoopee, You're Alive!

Getting older? Don’t worry, be happy. Scientists studied some people in their mid-90s and they concluded  (from that) the older you get the happier you are. Well, sure, if you’re in your 90s and you wake up in the morning that means you haven’t died yet! Who wouldn’t be happy?

Who’s Your Daddy

Let’s put this one in the “nothing-is-real” category. One of Michael Jackson’s old buddies. former child star Mark Lester, says he could be the father of one of Jackson’s children, the most likely being Paris, 11. Lester says Jackson asked him for some sperm, which he delivered, and he suspects it might have been used to inseminate Jackson’s then wife, Debbie Rowe. Lester, now an osteopath, says he’d like to find out, partly because he wants access to Jackson’s children because he has been close to them all their lives and is godfather to all of them. Lester thinks Paris could be his because she looks like his (other) daughters. In a video on the News Of The World web site, Lester said he had come forward "because I have concerns about the welfare and upbringing of the children. There's a contact issue," he said. "I dearly want to remain in contact with those kids and I feel now this is the only way that I can ensure that." So, the question for today is: “Who’s your daddy?”

Nuns Experience Liberal Drift

Before I started driving cab, I was an altar boy. I used to serve mass at the local convent and all the nuns back then wore habits and prayed a lot. Now, they don’t live in convents and they wear civilian clothes. Worse than that, the Vatican worries they might even endorse radical stuff like ordination of women priests, maybe even birth control and allowing priests to marry. They still do good work, including working with the poor, but not always in Catholic or even religious settings. The big boys at the Vatican are concerned that the nuns could be experiencing “liberal drift.” Come on. What they are experiencing is real life. The Vatican, kind of a theme park for people who like to genuflect, isn’t the real world. Women don’t ride any more, they drive and if they’re not driving, they’re giving directions. Oh, sorry, Father,  I thought you said turn right.

This Stinks, This Really Stinks

Brazil is returning 1,500 tons of used syringes, condoms and dirty diapers to Britain. The hazardous waste was sent to Brazil as recyclable plastic but, when inspected, it turned out to be hospital waste and other gross stuff. Three men have been arrested and, when the stuff is returned to the UK, they will have to sort through it with a fine-tooth comb. That’s it, just the comb, no gloves, no rubber boots, no deodorant.

It’s Still a Mercedes

People in Africa and Eastern Europe are driving German cars meant for the scrap heap. The government gives drivers $3,600 if they scrap their old car and buy a new one. Crooks have managed to transfer about 50,000 of the clunkers away from the scrap heap and onto the roads of Africa and Eastern Europe. Hey, even an old Mercedes is still a Mercedes.

Great Train Robber Out . . .  Almost

Now that he’s dying of pneumonia , Norwich Prison inmate and great train robber Ronnie Biggs has been released from his sentence. Biggs, 79, was refused parole by Justice Secretary Jack Straw last month but now that Bigg’s is not expected to ever leave hospital, he gets a pass. You can’t be too careful with aging, infirm great train robbers.

Crows Smarter Than Drunks

Scientists have found that a thirsty crow will drop pebbles into a container in order to raise the level of  water until it gets high enough for the crow to have a drink. Sociologists have found that a thirsty drunk will throw pennies from his kids’ piggy bank onto the bar until they add up to enough to buy a beer. The crow’s smarter.

Martian Alerts Keep Coming

Here’s another Martian alert. First, scientists noticed there is a lot of methane gas coming off the red planet. Does it originate with volcanos or is there underground life doing a lot of belching? Now, a widely read e-mail says Mars is getting closer to Earth and will be as close as the moon on Aug. 27. That’s just a hoax. The truth is, on April 1, 2010, Mars will pinball off the moon setting off a string of slot-machine wins, especially in Las Vegas.

Methane Gas on Mars , , , Scary!

Here’s one to stir your morning coffee. Scientists are finding there is a lot of methane produced on Mars. Is it from volcanic activity or from life underground? Maybe it’s time to have another look at those old Martian movies.

The Big Dog’s Back

Everybody’s talking about Bill Clinton and his successful trip to North Korea to get those two young US journalists back home. Like the guy in the back seat says, “the Big Dog is back.” He is big too when you compare him to North Korean leader Kim Jung-il. And, people are also talking about the fact that Bill isn’t smiling in his photos with the Dear Leader or Great Leader or Smiling Leader Who Can;t Feed His People. I bet he smiled when his jet left North Korea with the two freed women. You rock Bill!

News Corp to Charge for Content

It’s official. Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp is going to start charging online customers for news content on its web sites. Murdoch says “quality journalism is not cheap” and web advertising is not paying for the content millions of people read for free. He believes people will pay for News Corp content by making it "better and differentiate it from other people." In other words, he’s screwed.

Food, Glorious (Local) Food

Last night, at the farm, we had the ultimate local food experience. One of our hens was injured and had to be dispatched. We were repairing our deck so we had lots of white cedar scraps for our wood-burning barbecue pit. Our sweet corn is just coming on, there are new potatoes in the ground and Kate had just made a fresh mulberry pie. We roasted the chicken over the wood fire, turning it with a rigged-up Model A Ford jack handle. Kate added homemade barbecue sauce made with our own tomatoes. The potatoes, a few onions and freshly pulled garlic cloves, were wrapped in tinfoil and newspaper and tossed into the fire. In the last few minutes before the chicken was ready, Kate tossed just-picked corn on the cob, still in its leaf, into the fire. The meal that followed, eaten out on the deck of course, was one of the finest, ever. We are fortunate to live where we do and have the resources we have along with the know-how to put this kind of meal together.

Bill to the Rescue

Bill Clinton got the two US journalists out of North Korea and, in the process, he met with North Korean leader Kim Jung Il who probably passed on a message to the current administration: ”Please help, we’re out of everything!”

Paula Bows Out on Twitter

Paula Abdul, who is fascinating and sweet in an offbeat way, quit American Idol after eight years as a judge. She made the announcement on Twitter where you have to empty your head in 140 characters or less. Perfect.

Be the Best Ex-Husband You Can

There’s this guy, a banker, who rides with me a lot, usually to the airport. He loves his family, but his wife just threw him out. “Why?” I ask. He doesn’t know. Of course, he does know, but he’s not telling me. Now, he wants to get his wife back. How? Above all, he should be supportive and considerate. He should give her space, he should accept whatever choices she makes. He should be the best dad and the best ex-husband. In other words, he should do what he should have done when they were together. If she ever considers taking him back it will be because she appreciates all he’s doing for his family and that he is showing consideration for her. Will he do it? Probably not. He’s a guy. We’re stupid.

Bill to the Rescue

Speaking of guys, Bill Clinton is in North Korea trying to arrange the release of those two US journalists, both women, who were arrested for spying (they had a camera, eh). I think Bill is going to be able to get them out. This is one guy who really knows how to say ‘sorry’.

Moisturize

New Canadian research shows drinking even a moderate amount of beer and spirits can increase the risk of some cancers. Heavy drinking can move the risk up to 80 per cent or more. Wine? They’re not sure. The risk of colon, stomach and prostate cancer was about 80 per cent higher among heavy drinkers, while lung cancer risk rose by almost 60 per cent.  So, some advice before you get out of the cab. Cut back on the booze, stop smoking, exercise, eat dark chocolate and use a good moisturizer. It will give you that cherub look, like me.

Artist Rescues Dog

There’s this starving artist who sometimes gets cab rides in exchange for sketches. 

She lives in a part of town that is “in transition” beside this dump of a house where the owner kept his ex-wife’s dog locked in a windowless shed in the back yard. The dog never got out,  its bedding was never changed. The artist learned about the dog when she moved in a year ago and heard it whimpering. She asked about it, but the neighbor said it was none of her business. She learned the truth about the dog from another neighbor who said she hadn’t seen the dog outside for two years.

The artist called the humane society nine times. They did nothing. She tried to buy the dog but got nowhere, partly because she was only offering $50, all she had. Then she called a customer who agreed to try to buy the dog in exchange for a painting. The customer, a woman, approached the guy and offered $200 for the dog (she was prepared to pay $500). When the guy unlocked the shed and let the dog out, it was covered in feces. He was in such a state even the dog’s owner was ashamed and he just gave the dog to the woman for nothing. She took the 11-year-old American Husky home and cleaned him up. Then she took him to a vet clinic where they checked him out, removed three infected teeth and gave the dog his shots. The woman thought she’d keep the dog just long enough to find him a good home, but that was two weeks ago. She has fallen for this wonderful animal and she’s keeping him in her upscale home where his bed is a large, round pillow in a sunlit room where the door is never closed. 

I don’t understand it, but there are lots of people who have animals they don’t care about. To save them, it takes someone like the artist who doesn’t have any money but is willing to exchange all she has, her art, for the well-being of a dog who was unlucky enough to become a pawn in a divorce but lucky enough to eventually get the attention of a caring neighbor. I’ve talked to the other drivers. From now on, the artist rides for free.