Whoopee, You're Alive!

Getting older? Don’t worry, be happy. Scientists studied some people in their mid-90s and they concluded  (from that) the older you get the happier you are. Well, sure, if you’re in your 90s and you wake up in the morning that means you haven’t died yet! Who wouldn’t be happy?

Who’s Your Daddy

Let’s put this one in the “nothing-is-real” category. One of Michael Jackson’s old buddies. former child star Mark Lester, says he could be the father of one of Jackson’s children, the most likely being Paris, 11. Lester says Jackson asked him for some sperm, which he delivered, and he suspects it might have been used to inseminate Jackson’s then wife, Debbie Rowe. Lester, now an osteopath, says he’d like to find out, partly because he wants access to Jackson’s children because he has been close to them all their lives and is godfather to all of them. Lester thinks Paris could be his because she looks like his (other) daughters. In a video on the News Of The World web site, Lester said he had come forward "because I have concerns about the welfare and upbringing of the children. There's a contact issue," he said. "I dearly want to remain in contact with those kids and I feel now this is the only way that I can ensure that." So, the question for today is: “Who’s your daddy?”

Nuns Experience Liberal Drift

Before I started driving cab, I was an altar boy. I used to serve mass at the local convent and all the nuns back then wore habits and prayed a lot. Now, they don’t live in convents and they wear civilian clothes. Worse than that, the Vatican worries they might even endorse radical stuff like ordination of women priests, maybe even birth control and allowing priests to marry. They still do good work, including working with the poor, but not always in Catholic or even religious settings. The big boys at the Vatican are concerned that the nuns could be experiencing “liberal drift.” Come on. What they are experiencing is real life. The Vatican, kind of a theme park for people who like to genuflect, isn’t the real world. Women don’t ride any more, they drive and if they’re not driving, they’re giving directions. Oh, sorry, Father,  I thought you said turn right.