Indian Monkeys are out of control in the Punjab, but don’t worry. They plan to build a special school for delinquent Macaque monkeys which routinely destroy TV antennas, tear down clothes lines and damage parked scooters and motorcycles (it’s like every day is Halloween). The proposed school will take the worst offenders and put them through a crash course in good manners. Then, they’ll get a pat on the head and be released back out into the community. I’m not saying this isn’t gonna work, but there used to be a jail for bad monkeys before the monkeys tore it down.
Hey, it happens. Neighbors see a guy forcing his way into a house. The cops come around. The guy, who’s black, says he lives there and that he’s Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and he can prove it. Then the cop, a white guy named Sgt. James Crowley of the Cambridge Police Department, takes him downtown because Gates gives him some lip. Folks get up in arms, thinking it’s racial. The US president himself says the police department acted “stupidly” and then everybody gets excited again. But it’s working out. US President Barack Obama called Sgt. Crowley and then the president called Prof. Gates and now it looks like they might all get together at the White House for a beer. Just one though. You don’t want this to get ugly again.
If you’re thinking of puffing on a smokeless electronic cigarette, forget it. The FDA says those smokes contain carcinogens (yup, cancer) and a chemical used in antifreeze that is really bad for you. I quit smoking by eating carrots, the original smokeless cigarette. So, if you are kicking the habit and you want a fix to get you through, try carrots . . . no nicotine and they’re good for your eyes.
Chinese scientists have created virtual genetic duplicates of mice using skin cells from adult animals that had been coaxed into the equivalent of embryonic stem cells. What that means is, with the right chemical coaxing and a few skin cells we may be able to get everything we need to duplicate ourselves, not that I’d want more than one of me at the wheel of this cab. One of you in the back seat is probably plenty too. No offense.
Wall Street is on the take again, or still, depending on your perspective. Some high-frequency traders are using powerful computers to transmit millions of orders in a flash. They snag billions in profits while the slow traders like you and me just keep losing. It’s got to change. Either everyone gets a bigger computer or there will be have to be new rules that only allow electronic trades on outdated laptops like the Mac I’m using. You didn’t think I was a PC. Did you?
Remember those stationary bicycles hooked up to the TV. You had to peddle hard enough to produce enough electricity to power the TV or you and your less-than-active family would miss ER. Now two Kenyan inventors have come up with a cellphone charger that works on a bicycle you peddle between villages or around town. In Kenya, it costs $2 to charge the average cell phone. This gadget will retail for $4.50 and give you many, many charges. Kenyans with a bicycle and a cell phone can charge up every time they go for a ride. This might surprise you, but I’m all for bicycle transportation. It will mean fewer cars on the road and it would be good for people . . . like that woman who just gave me the finger, she could lose a few pounds.
Have you heard of Linalool? It sounds like floor polish but it’s a chemical compound found in lavender, tea and lemons and it can calm your nerves after a long, hard day in traffic. So relax, have a tea with some lemon, sniff some lavender and plan to give me a big tip when I get you to the airport.
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